Sometimes we forget what a great gift it is to be alive. We take it for granted. We have eyes and hands and feet and mouth. And even to those of us who are missing more or one of those faculties (and my heart truly goes out to them) it’s still a blessing to be alive.
My mom made a lot of mistakes while raising her children (which I forgive her for!) but her telling me this wasn’t one of them. It’s the title of the piece, and it’s something I’ve returned to time and time again.
In the depths of my depression I often wished to die, because the suffering and pain was so intense that death would have been a blessing. As I grew older I realized that that was a sentiment that was echoed by many suicides – I mean, if life was worth living, why would you want to die?
In general, people never WANT to commit suicide. They commit suicide because
a) Life is intolerable now
and
b) They don’t think life will get better
But thing is…you can’t KNOW that. Things change. Even when they don’t seem that they will. Serendipity can happen. “Life has no guarantees” works both way, you know.
Obviously I didn’t jump or use the knife or take the pills or any of that, because I’m here writing this. And for that I am profoundly grateful. I am grateful for my own courage, for the people that have helped – and for the people that I know I would and can help.
So I’m alive, sitting here, writing this, and you’re alive, at the other end of the screen somewhere else in the world, reading it. That’s reason enough to rejoice.
There are so many things you can do while you’re alive. Because you’re alive!
You can feel the sun on your skin, and take a bath. Roll around on the bed. Take some deep breaths. Just dance for the heck of it.
It may seem very ironic that my mom (who in her worst moments told me I ought to die) taught me one of the most important lessons in my life. Don’t die. Because as long as you’re alive, there is hope.
I mean, it makes sense, doesn’t it? If you die, then you’re done for by default. Finito, kaput, finis, The End, Game Over. There’s no more “next” to anything because well, you’re dead. But as long as you are alive there are things you can do.
These are some of the thoughts that kept me alive to get to where I am today – which is writing this post about you shouldn’t give up, no matter the circumstances.