So – it’s ok to not know what to do with your life. But what it’s really not ok to do is to blame yourself about it.
There is this belief that somehow guilt and shame will motivate you to “get off your ass and do something” (as if things
were that easy!) What if I told you that research has shown that (Caroline video)
So the more you get down about it, the more you tell yourself. It’s a vicious cycle. You don’t want to do anything because
you are feeling bad, so you avoid doing anything (because you don’t want to feel bad) and then since you don’t do anything
you feel bad…and it repeats. You can substitute any kind of problem for the “don’t want to do anything” part.
The solution is actually quite simple. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t beat yourself up it. Whatever it is. Sit down and ask
yourself why you feel these feelings. If you really have done something wrong, apologize. Whether it’s to yourself (for
treating yourself badly) or somebody else, make an apology from your heart. Write a formal letter of apology, just for
yourself. It doesn’t matter if the other person accepts it or not. You just want a clean break.
After that, stop beating yourself up. Feel compassion for yourself. If you saw an cat that was trying it’s best to climb a
wall, but kept failing, what would you say? I’ll bet you wouldn’t say “stupid cat, can’t even climb that dumb wall to save
its life.” Well you might say or think that at first, but I’ll bet that given enough time you would feel sorry for it.
Extend that compassion to yourself. You know you are trying the best that you can, you know that you would do it so much
better if you could.
Compassion works. Studies have found that it even encourages growth of new brain cells, and is linked with the treatment
of depression. Whatever it is that you are doing, think kindly of it, and yourself.
Everything matters. Each moment of the day, each moment of your life, has meaning. Don’t let anyone (least of all yourself!
especially yourself!) tell you otherwise, because that’s going to put you into a deep, dark hole. I’ve been there and it’s
not pleasant. So don’t sell yourself short.