I wrote this a long time ago when I had trouble sleeping for about two years. Some of it is still relevant, and I would like others to benefit from my one-time suffering.
a) Accepting that you can’t sleep.
You need to accept the problem before you can fix it. It may even be that once you realize why I can’t sleep that I will be able to sleep.
Above all, don’t berate yourself by saying things like “why can’t you sleep?” It’s important to be gentle with yourself in times like these.
b) Life stress or important events often affect sleep.
When I first wrote this, I was going through some serious therapy and internal work. So in time I came to understand that all that internal restructuring made it hard to sleep. When I accepted that, even though sleep didn’t always come, it was bearable.
Certain things just take time. It can be a slow process. The mind and body were assimilating a lot of new systems.
c) Write whatever you are bothered with down.
That’s how this all started. Try writing things down slowly before bedtime so the mind doesn’t dwell on them. Don’t fix anything. Just write it all down to get it out of your head and your system.
If you have many things to do – projects, work, kids etc – they will all come in time. For now, relaxing is a first priority. Put yourself first.
The rest comes later, and more easier, when fully rested. Remember!
d) Relax first.
I smile I bit when I see these lines that I wrote to myself.
“Go play first! Then the rest will become easier. You know that it’s true.
Accept this truth slowly. Don’t rush to do it, don’t rush to accept, just meditate on it slowly.”
They are still true today. Do whatever makes you relaxed, as long as it’s not harmful. Playing is a good idea.
e) Something to do is not “try” to sleep. If sleep comes, it comes. Sitting in bed “doing things” to get to sleep is really counterproductive. Over-conscious thought is NOT conducive to sleep.
If you can meditate, that’s a good idea. Once again though, don’t try too hard.
In time, you will find out what works for you. For me it was exercise, writing things down, playing games, and talking it out. Some tips are fairly universal, but everyone’s body is different.
If you really cannot sleep get up and do something, maybe for an hour, then go back to bed.
f) Practice good sleep hygiene. Meaning the bed should only be used for rest, sleep and sex. You don’t want your mind to form associations with activities. Also try to turn of all electronic devices before sleeping, and make sure the temperature of the room is ok.
Only sleep when tired. Don’t go to bed with the intention of “trying” to sleep – that’s not very helpful. Try to do some light exercise during the day (helps with sleep) but not too close to bedtime.
g) Never blame yourself for anything. Negative self talk does not help. Remember it’s not your fault when things prevent you from sleeping. And there may be times that even though you do the proper things you can’t sleep.
I touched on some of these above.
Temperature and comfort –
It needs to be cool, not too stuffy. If you like to sleep naked, do so. Or find the combination of clothes and/or none which works for you.
Maybe you need to get a new mattress, or a new blanket. Experiment. Comfort is essential.
Don’t “try” to sleep –
As I wrote above, if you can’t get out of bed after half an hour of no sleep, regardless of whys and wherefores. Then do some light reading and try to go back. Tossing and turning in bed just creates negative connotations.
Relax –
Don’t turn it into a battle. A casual and carefree attitude towards sleeping works the best. Eventually I found myself amazingly unhurried even though I couldn’t sleep earlier…I guess my body realized that getting worked up about it doesn’t help anyone.
Smash the clock! If you need to sleep, sleep. If you can’t sleep (for whatever reason) you can’t sleep. Just do the best you can with the conditions. Defining sleep too rigidly is self-defeating.
Meditation, letting your thoughts wander –
Generally sleep eludes us because our minds are too busy. Let yourself slowly think about random things and the mind may relax. This is all not conscious, a playful attitude can help.
Meditation is generally awesome, but does not work for everyone. Try walking meditation or tapes if regular meditation isn’t working for you.
Misc –
Get REALLY sleepy before trying to sleep. Like, sleepy and tired. Don’t go to bed “because I have to be in bed by this time” Body clock, not mind clock!
If you really cannot sleep at a certain time, just stay up instead, then go to bed later. It’s better than tossing and turning a lot.
The body works in mysterious ways so it’s hard to say what is good and bad for each person sometimes. Feel free to disregard anything in this article and do what you will. But most of all, trust your body.
Getting up to read books and use the computer can be helpful in small quantities. It’s sometimes better to stay up, get
really tired and then you may find you need less sleep because it was more concentrated.
While the most restful kind of sleep is REM sleep (which is deep) it’s often better to get some sleep and in some way than hankering after a set “correct” amount. I was really worked up over this when I was younger! Sometimes resting is all you need without actually falling asleep per se.
Don’t feel bad about things concerning sleep you don’t know about :
Some people find it easy, and it SHOULD be more natural, but sometimes it is not. No point telling yourself it should be natural when it isn’t.
Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.
While there is some wisdom in “resetting your sleep schedule” and not taking naps to “force” your body to sleep, I’ve always found it best to simply trust what your body wants to do.
Each person’s body is different, so don’t secondguess it. Feel out what works and what doesn’t and what you need without thought.